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Thanks for opening my heart so much and helping me to experience love at such deep and profound levels.  My life will never be the same.”

Overcoming fear of rejection in relationships

Posted on February 17, 2012 in Ask Divine Mother

Question:  You were encouraging us to engage more in the process of relationship so that we would become more trusting -- more trusting of you, Divine Mother.  Can you elaborate more on this?

Divine Mother:   What I want you to do is trust me and do what I have asked. You could say I am asking you to do these things on faith, trusting me, because it isn't the way relationships are conducted for the most part. I am saying to you that you have the courage to let go of the fear of rejection. It is the fear of rejection which is the usual reason people don't speak their truth.

So this is what I am asking you to risk: the fear of rejection. Of course, pain comes with rejection, and the pain is about: "I am not good. I am not valued. I am unworthy." That is the root cause and that is why people fear rejection, because your major fear as a human being appears to be confirmed, that you are no good, that the person you love has rejected you. You are very hesitant to risk that.

Now I am telling you that this fear of rejection based on the pain that would come which is based on the belief that you are unworthy anyway is a lie. So you have to have the courage to face the lie. You have to have the courage to face it, and to look at the lie in yourself. Do you understand? This is the crux of the matter.

I want you to face that lie and your beloved can help you face it. The one that you are in relationship with can help you face it. This is the ultimate lie: believing that you are separate from God, then you believe, "I am unworthy. I am no good. God doesn't love me,” all of these very, very horrifying realities, which in truth are unreal, are fake.

The personal relationship, the male-female relationship, makes you look at that. It puts it in your face, because the worst thing that could happen is to be rejected by your lover. Then the pain of that which is the pain of… it is like, "I knew it all along. I have never been any good. I have always been unworthy and undervalued. Even God doesn't love me. And this person who I have loved so deeply, who I have put up there with God is now saying, ‘You are no good, you are unworthy’.” That is the mind’s interpretation of the rejection. This is the whole crux of the matter. This is where it all ends up. It is all about this pain of separation.

So I am asking you to face it. Your relationship is a vehicle to help you face the most difficult issues in your life, and this is the most difficult issue. No matter how many ways or how many times you have been rejected, it all feeds back to the same thing: "I am unworthy in the eyes of God. My lover has proved it, and I have had 10 relationships and they have all proven it to me.” This is the way the small ego-mind works. This is the untruth it feeds you again and again.

So you have to look at this and stand up to it and with your mate, face it. Supposedly, they love you, or they wouldn't be with you. It may be a past mate who loved you in the past and now is not with you, but you can face it in a former mate as well, because something was left undone. Something was left uncommunicated. So I am saying, look at it. If you don't have a mate, look at it in yourself. Even with a mate, you are going to have to be looking at it in yourself. They are just the reflector.

Question:   Then what, when we look at it?

Divine Mother:   When you look at it, look at the lie of it. That's what I want you to see -- that it is a lie. I don't want you to see it intellectually, because we can know right now that it is a lie, the mind can know that it is a lie. I want you to look at it experientially. What happens to your energy? This is about the way your life energy is flowing. It needs to be changed, because it is causing you to suffer. That is the bottom line. It is causing you to suffer because there is a fluctuation in your vibration that isn't united with me, Divine Mother. Or you could say that is a fluctuation that is not united with Truth, and it is causing you pain, just like all lies cause pain.

So I am asking you, when you are looking at it in yourself, to feel where it hurts, feel the area's agitation. You will feel it in your energy, in your vibration. Don't avoid it. This is what usually happens -- you run from it. It is so painful and the seeming truth which is, "I am no good. I am cast out from heaven. I am bad." That untruth is so painful to look at, especially when you think it is the truth, that you run from it. Most of the time people run away from that, so they run from relationships. They don't want to be in a relationship, because invariably that is going to be brought up, because the purpose of the relationship is to heal you. The purpose of love is to bring up everything that is not loving, that is not love. So you are in this intense relationship and it is going to bring it up for the love to continue to be alive.

So look at it. The people in relationships, share this with your mate. Help each other find this. It is why you are together. The people who are not in relationships, look at it with me. Find where that energy is fluctuating, and then of course you must heal it.

You do overcome the pain of separation with love. It is the only thing that overcomes the pain of separation. It unites.

I want you to love. I want you to love me, or God. I want you to look at that pain, and hold it in your awareness, and say "I love you". Whether it is me or God or a guru, focus on the one who is Infinite Love and say, "I love you, I love you, I love you." You may cry or shake or release, or you may not. I am just telling you in case you do those things, don't stop. Just keep saying, “I love you”. Love unifies. Love unites. You do overcome the pain of separation with love. It is the only thing that overcomes the pain of separation. It unites.

So love. Say, "I love you." You can be saying it to your mate. That will do the same thing. I just want you to know that I understand the challenge of this, and I am asking you to face it.

Thank you for your innocent hearts.

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